Comments on: A Violinist in the Metro http://michaelsmithandassociates.com/2010/03/01/a-violinist-in-the-metro/ Michael Smith and Associates Thu, 01 Dec 2011 14:28:12 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 By: Geoff M. Pope http://michaelsmithandassociates.com/2010/03/01/a-violinist-in-the-metro/comment-page-1/#comment-48 Geoff M. Pope Wed, 12 May 2010 04:07:31 +0000 http://michaelsmithandassociates.com/?p=192#comment-48 Dear Michael Smith, See my bracketed edits and comments below: . . . A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk. A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again;[replaced the comma w/ a semicolon] clearly he was late for work. The one who paid the most attention was a three-year-old[hyphens for a compound adjective; 3 changed since it is a one-syllable number with no surrounding double-digits] boy. His mother tugged him along, but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard[comma] and the child continued to walk[add comma] turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on. . . . Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston[add comma] and the seats averaged $100. This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the[The] Washington Post [and italicize all three words] as part of an[a] social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines["outlines" here is awkward diction; how about "primary questions" asked were these: in[In] a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour:[use a comma instead of that colon] Do[do] we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context? One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written on an almost priceless instrument, how many other things are we missing? [Outstanding! I would like to pass the revision on -- with your approval -- to my Interpersonal Communication class at City University of Seattle, and I would love you to hire me as one of your proofreaders.] Respectfully, Geoff M. Pope S E A T T L E 206.354.3233 a close friend of Dan Johnson Dear Michael Smith,

See my bracketed edits and comments below:

. . .

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk. A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again;[replaced the comma w/ a semicolon] clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a three-year-old[hyphens for a compound adjective; 3 changed since it is a one-syllable number with no surrounding double-digits] boy. His mother tugged him along, but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard[comma] and the child continued to walk[add comma] turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

. . .

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston[add comma] and the seats averaged $100. This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the[The] Washington Post [and italicize all three words] as part of an[a] social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines["outlines" here is awkward diction; how about "primary questions" asked were these: in[In] a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour:[use a comma instead of that colon] Do[do] we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context? One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written on an almost priceless instrument, how many other things are we missing?

[Outstanding! I would like to pass the revision on -- with your approval -- to my Interpersonal Communication class at City University of Seattle, and I would love you to hire me as one of your proofreaders.]

Respectfully,

Geoff M. Pope
S E A T T L E
206.354.3233
a close friend of Dan Johnson

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